Get Your Loved One's Memories Professionally Recorded onto a DVD
Often illness or aging of a parent causes adult children to realize the significance of their parents’ lives and how much they want to preserve their love ones’ life story. Bridget Poizner, founder of Save Their Story, helps families do just that—as she specializes in interviewing people and capturing their family histories and ethical wills in a video format. Although Poizner is based in San Diego, she travels all over the country to interview her clients.
When care is given by family members in a home setting, the care can easily individualized because of the familiarity of the family member with the patient’s need and history. It becomes more challenging when the patient is cared for by a staff in a facility that may or may not know them well. A well written life story or video can help create the one-on-one relationship between the caregiver and the dementia patient. It can be a powerful healing tool, a life affirming project that can increase acceptance and bring family members closer together.
The life story is also a good way of recording one’s life achievement, a celebration of one’s life that can be tucked away for generations to come. Preserving this recording in a DVD allows for easy editing and retrieval of the recording.
It is important to begin documenting the life story early so that the person with dementia can effectively participate and contribute many of his or her own stories. Friends and families are also good sources of information. Documentation early in the course of the disease also allows the subject to do some of the recordings on his own. This is especially important for people who are uncomfortable talking about certain subjects in front of other people.
The Interview
Being interviewed will come naturally to some people; however, we recommend doing some preparation beforehand. Give your interview subjects the time to think about significant life events—and how much they want to disclose—by providing a list of possible questions or topics several days prior to the scheduled interview. Review these topics with the primary subject on the day of the interview. Find out the names of relatives (e.g., grandparents) that the participant would like to talk about and create a brief family tree genealogy. Immediately prior to beginning, describe the process to all participants and encourage family members to volunteer their memories of and feelings about the family members—particularly the ways in which the family members have influenced them, and what they have learned or observed.
Begin the interview by having everyone introduce themselves and state their relationship to the participant. Often filming memorabilia (e.g., photographs of forebears) with the participant narrating their stories helps establish their role in the family. Alternatively, this may be done at the end of the interview. Proceed by asking questions of key family members. Solicit family members' feelings, memories, and reactions that are stimulated by the stories being told. Camera time will be devoted to family members, particularly as they begin speaking. The camera should focus mostly on the key family members as they speak or react to the words of others. Continue to the end of the interview, pausing the recording when necessary for participants to get comfortable or for interruptions. Plan to spend about 90 minutes interviewing.
A "five-minutes-to-go" signal should be pre-arranged for the end of the interview in order to avoid an awkward or abrupt ending, and to give participants a last chance to voice their feelings.
The choice of interview is also important. If the interviewee is one of those that are uncomfortable talking about themselves in front of people that are close to them, you might want to consider a professional interviewer.
Structure of a Life Story Interview
A good structure for a life story interview can be broken into three phases:
Phase 1
Begin the interview. Have the main participant discuss birth to young adulthood. Begin with somewhat more factual and safe questions about the participant's ancestry, upbringing, and early life. Move on to questions about high school, college or young adult years.
Typical questions might include:
- What is your earliest memory?
- Describe your relationship with your parents and grandparents.
- What do you remember them teaching you?
- What was it like being a teenager?
- What were you learning at this time in your life?
- What was college like for you? Did you have a favorite area of study?
- What did you do in your twenties/thirties?
- What were your jobs during this time? What were they like to work at?
- Were there any significant others that came into your life at this time?
- How did they influence you?
Phase 2
This phase occurs naturally as the patient begins to reveal himself or herself in detail. Explore major turning points in life and career and important lessons learned. Bring out the significance of events and people for who the person is today. Family participation is common during this phase, particularly when the interview turns to rearing children and important events that the family shared.
Typical questions and talking points might include:
- How/when did you meet your future husband/wife?
- What discoveries did you make during this time?
- How did that experience influence who you are today.
- How did having children affect you?
- What are you most proud of?
Phase 3
End of interview. Questions, at this point, deepen. Looking beneath the surface can pay many dividends. Here, you can look at what the views were before the onset of dementia and as much as possible include salient current views. The person will often discuss coping with life, personal legacy, feelings about spirituality and the afterlife, personal regrets, and other significant matters.
Typical questions and talking points might include:
Did the patient have a favorite book? What types of books did the patient like – mystery novel, plays, the Bible, poetry, an auto repair manual, The Farmer’s Almanac etc?
How was the patient’s desk organized? (if the person did not have a desk, substitute an appropriate work area or item e.g. Kitchen shelves and drawers, tool box, barn etc.)
- What has affected you and your family most?
- What has been the most significant change you see in yourself?
- What is a typical day like for you now?
- During this time, what is of most importance to you?
- Talk about your life philosophy. What values do you hold most dear?
- If the patient was stuck on a desert island, what three things would he or she wished to have brought along? (Assume there is food, drink, and shelter).
- How would the patient have looked at life thinking the glass is half-full or half-empty?
- Would the patient have held onto the first dollar he or she made or spent it immediately?
- How did the patient enjoy spending New Year’s Eve? Would he /she have enjoyed been in the middle of Times Square, out dancing, or home watching TV or reading a book.
- Did the patient have a favorite book? What types of books did the patient like – mystery novel, plays, the Bible, poetry, an auto repair manual, The Farmer’s Almanac etc?
- How was the patient’s desk organized? (if the person did not have a desk, substitute an appropriate work area or item e.g. Kitchen shelves and drawers, tool box, barn etc.)
NOTE: If you have agreed beforehand that a discussion of dying and/or the afterlife would be appropriate, guide the interview there. However, be aware that not all participants are prepared to talk about such matters directly.
Typical questions and talking points might include:
- What do you think happens when a person dies? What do you believe?
- Do you consider yourself religious?—or spiritual?
- Have you become more spiritual or religious lately?
- What is your legacy and lessons you hope to have passed to your children?
- Ask children to comment.
- How do you hope you will be remembered? What kind of legacy would you like to leave with your family?
End the interview with a couple of final summary-type questions, such as:
- If you were to live your life over again, what would you do differently or change?
- What would you keep the same?
- What are you most grateful for?
- What were your major achievements?
- What are your future plans?
- What is your family legacy?
^Editor's Note: You can have a loved one’s memories, recollections or ethical will filmed and edited by professionals with an innovative service from Save Their Story (800-727-1996).^
